This week was about recognizing the voice of the Lord. It is something I have been hearing for a while, but at times, it seems like He had been silent. Sometimes he does that, but in his silence, he still speaks. His silence can sometimes speak more than any words. I hope that makes sense. I didn’t know though, that he speaks in so many different ways, and that he has a “usual” way of speaking to some people. It is a way that is molded to their personality. It just goes to show again that our God is a personal one too. Jen, our school leader, taught us this week, and she is ohhh so fond of awkward games that push, shove, and FORCE you out of your comfort zone. There were two particular exercises that I remember particularly well. One night, she had us as God two questions. God, who do you say I am? The other was, God, who do I say that you are? The answers to these questions brought me to tears. He said that I am his daughter, his beloved, and a bunch of other moving loving things, but the one that made me cry the most was that he said that I am the one he delights in. Now, you have to understand, this has been the cry of my heart for a few years. “God, delight in me! Take delight in me!” to hear him say that he did, meant more to me than anything else, and He knew that! He is so intimately involved in my life that it blows my mind! The answer to the other question was such a stab in the heart. He said that I saw him as my Lord, my master, my angry judge, disappointed father, and that I did not see him as my love. At this, I lost it. I had no idea that I didn’t actually love God. It was all an act. I had been angry with him for leaving me, but I pushed him away. What the mess?!?!?! He didn’t stop there, HE, the God of the universe, then poured his heart out to ME, insignificant little earthling. He cried out asking what happened to that love? What did He do to make me leave him? Didn’t I remember the good times we had, the places we would go and the things we would do? Didn’t I remember his great love for me? Why would I leave that? Then he begged, remember, the God of all, BEGGED, me, idiot adulterous me, to come back to Him?!?!!? Do what now?!?!?! He said he didn’t care what I had done or where I had been, he just wanted me back. Who wouldn’t cry at this?
After this, and a bunch of other people shared what the Lord said, Jen felt the Spirit leading her to gather all the girls together. We stood in the middle of the room as the boys (amazing men!!!) sang to us what was on the heart of the father and bridegroom. He saw us as beautiful! We needed to let go of hurts in the past and embrace it. The men prayed for us, cried with us, and sang over us. It was a beautiful thing to behold. Everyone was weeping and no eye had one hint of make-up left. The guys also apologized for the men of our past. How rare and amazing is that. The God that we see in these mere men is constantly blowing all of us girls away. They are so amazing, and we all love them so much! I can’t even describe.
The second “exercise” was called a “treasure hunt.” Cute huh? We sit together and each gets a clue from the Lord. Then we take that clue out into the world and find the person that each of it matches. For example, one person will get “red shirt.” Someone else will get “blue car in a Sonic parking lot.” Another will get, broken arm. Then someone else will get “dying father.” Then we will go out to Sonic, and low and behold, all of these clues match! And we pray for them or minister or something. It’s kind of weird, but it’s awesome to watch God move. I’m always surprised, like, “God, how did you know?” Anyways, the night before, I felt like God was speaking to me that I now had the gift of prophesy, and I responded like, “oh yeah, sure, he just hands that one out like candy.” I threw it to the side, excited if it was true, but doubting that it really was. During our “treasure hunt,” I prayed, God, give me a vision about this. (Because, I thought that would be cool. Lol) well, I got a vision. I wrote it off as just being my imagination, and when I prayed about whether or not I should share it, he said, “no.” so I horded it for a little longer. Then one of the kids got, “coffee, or star bucks, or kiros (the coffee house on base).” Well now, it just so happens that there is a coffee shop on the corner of where my vision took place. hmmm. Coincidence? I think not. So when I shared my vision, everyone trusted my word and did what I had said we did in it. However, I was like, “I could be wrong guys.” I doubted myself up the wazoo! God, just kept whispering to me, that everything that I saw in my vision was going to happen in real life, and do you trust me. So I shut up and kept my doubts to myself. And what do you know? Everything that I saw in my vision happened in real life! It was crazy! Totally a faith and trust builder, that’s for sure! However, in real life, we tried three times to just talk to the lady, but in all reality, I think she was under some deep oppression, or just demon possessed. In the dream (and in real life) you could see the deep unending sorrow in her eyes, but when we came near, it was rage and fury. The final attempt ended with her screaming, “get away from me!” it made us and a lot of other people laugh, but I still can’t help but wonder. Why was she sad? Why wouldn’t she let us help her? What can I do now? And does she know what she is missing? My heart goes out to this lady. Although it didn’t end in someone regrowing a leg or something amazing like that. This was overall an amazing experience for me. It proved God tries to reach out to people even though He knows they are going to reject Him. How many times did he reach out to me with it ending in rejection, yet he kept trying, and now look where we are? It also showed that he trusted me! I didn’t even trust myself, yet He placed his love for that dear woman into my hands. He trusted me. Why do I still not trust him? Idk buddy, but God is one crazy fella. He just blows my mind!!!
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