We had this revival thing go on this week so no teachings actually. I was told that we always started this by repenting. I thought I had already repented of my deepest darkest sins, and indeed I had. However, there was another one lurking in the darkness. I have received so much healing from so much stuff and had to admit to so much that I thought I was about done too. Ha! That’s a lie! God brought up another one that I needed to get freedom from. God isn’t a God that likes to shame us, but instead, He knows what is best for us. A lot of the time, we think that God has forgiven us of it, so it’s in the past. But, a lot of the time, we haven’t let it go. We haven’t forgiven ourselves of it, and we live in shame of it. We don’t want to admit to it, because we think people will view us differently. Honestly, that’s a lie too. People hardly ever judge when you go to the right person. They actually admire you for your honesty. Honesty is rare and refreshing nowadays. In the three instances that someone has admitted to dark sins, or I have fessed up to it, it opens the field for the other person to admit too. In all three instances, they did the same thing, or I had done the same thing. Crazy huh? We think we are the only mess-ups in the world. Well, you’re not. Surprise we are ALL human! Crazy thought, right? God brought up this sin in my life so I could experience freedom from it. I no longer had to be ashamed of what I had done. Yes, I am still disgusted by it, but it just goes to show how much more amazing God is. He doesn’t care what I have done. He loves me just the same. I can’t even begin to grasp this. How great and wonderful is our God?
This week ended with one of Jen’s awkward yet amazing games. It’s called molding. Basically, you pray and ask god what he wants to speak to someone, and then you go and put him or her in a position (like a manikin) that would demonstrate that. The first position that I was put in was simple. I was on my knees with both my hands in the air, looking up. It didn’t take long for me to realize I was a child reaching for my daddy. I couldn’t contain my weeping. Now, I haven’t been able to really cry for 4 years now. I cry maybe 3-4 times a year, but I have cried just about every day. I think I am going to love being a crier. I just hope it lasts. Anyways, I, like every other child, had been hurt by my father for some odd reason. I knew that God was my father, but it didn’t really set into my heart until that moment. Then, he took me back through my childhood and told me exactly where he had been there. It was quite remarkable actually. I had always held on to God’s promises when I was a young child, but no one ever spoke them to me. I just knew. I just knew! God was, has been, and always be my father. Again, God, creator of heaven and of earth, holy in all his ways, is my daddy!...yeah, that’s cool! See, God is teaching me who he REALLY is, just like I asked him to. He is so faithful
He is also teaching me to trust him. This is such a huge one. I am hoping with all that is in me, that the end of this lesson is going to be at the beginning of week 6, but only God knows, and I’m happy with that. =D
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